(I believe)

That every man that has a child with a disability is the right father for that child.

As my wife laid in the operating room, I watched my newborn son, my first child, being rolled to an awaiting helicopter. What is happening here? God, please no. What am I to do? I stood there watching my son being loaded into the helicopter, then within seconds, flown to a different hospital. I turned I saw my family, friends and pastor standing there in shock, not saying a word. I realized my life and heart were being broken in a way I never imaged in my darkest nightmare. I couldn’t feel my spirit; it was as if it was gone.  Had God abandoned me? 

Late that night as I was at home by myself, my wife laid in one hospital bed and my newborn son lay in an incubator within another hospital’s NICU. I had a serious conversation with my God and had a sense that everything was going to be ok. I picked up my bible, opened it and read the name Zachariah, which means ‘the Lord has not forgotten’. As I read, I came across another name, Isaac, which means ‘he makes me laugh’. This was my son: Zachary Isaac.  Somehow I had to trust my God that we would survive this. 

After two days, we left the hospital with our son. The doctors were confused because he wasn’t having any seizures, so they released him and told us to come back when the seizures began.

 As we drove home, we entered into a world that had no welcome packet or support system. I found myself becoming lonely and isolated. I was the man of the household and I should have been able to take care of everything. As the months past, I began to realize God had placed the life of this child into mine that I may be the father in this child’s life. As I raised him, I knew he would experience many difficulties and I would encounter many situations for which I would never find answers.

 Doctors will not be able to answer all of your questions, there will be difficulty in obtaining services, and you’ll wrestle with your own understanding of how life has ‘wronged’ you. I’ll constantly have to refine my understanding of ‘quality of life’, ‘what does it mean to walk with God’ and ‘how does God show me his Love”?

As the days past I seen life take many unexpected turn.  I continually find myself in situations I never imaged I’d be in and I have very little idea of what to do. Plans and expectations have not gone I wanted them to and once again I’m in unfamiliar territory. I can get angry and walk away, that’s what I feel like doing but this is the only time in history that I can see God’s best take place in my family’s life.

If I believe that God has my best interest at hand, than God has given me the best. So I am the perfect dad for my son, and he is the perfect son for me, than I need to let my son change me.   

 D4SK is dedicated to improving the quality of life of men that have a child with special needs in their lives. 

Ray Morris: founder of Dads 4 Special Kids Inc.